do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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