Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
