see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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