you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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