So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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