Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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