He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
