The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
