it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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