is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
