Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
