so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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