i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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