Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
