Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
