Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
