I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
