I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
