people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
