So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
