dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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