I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
