If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Randomize
