so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
