hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
