READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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