is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
