Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
