I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
