well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
