We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
