I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
