i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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