youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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