that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
