I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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