I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
tell me about the eggs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
