just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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