it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The ass gains better be worth it
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