she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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