i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize