sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
