I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
