Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
