turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
