She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
