Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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