Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
