i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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