I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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