He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
