So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
