Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
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there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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