She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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