yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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