She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
