I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
