She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
