well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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