I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
