I haven't been this sober since birth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
