Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
