It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
