I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
