Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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