U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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