Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
