K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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