My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
