$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
