Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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