I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
